woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
