she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
