i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
