Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This is my gift to your gina
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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