I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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