great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
