Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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