He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
