I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
