I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
