You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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