first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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