I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I pour the whiskey from now on
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
