Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
