No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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