im having a threesome with these popsicles
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
