My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We talked him into tasing himself.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
