then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize