Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
