U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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