there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
