Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
