you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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