Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
