Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
