you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize