I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
