dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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