So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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