Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
