Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
