Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
