vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
