i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
