my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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