Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
