Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize