I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
