They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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