They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
