This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
