Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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