Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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