Where did you get a picture of my penis
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
