Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
