I have demons in me.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
