i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize