Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
