The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
