It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
