I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
