I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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