I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
love makes seman taste better
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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