Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
