What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
