My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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