she smelled like a LAN party
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Help. Why am I so naked?
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