You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My ATM looks so different sober.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
