I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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