...so i touched it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
