There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
