omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
