I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
