remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
