did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
