Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
BRING THE BAGELS
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
