ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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