well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
