you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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