So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
