If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
