I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
worst night to have a conscience
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize