Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
