She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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